Belief

October 26, 2019

I’m standing beside my best friend as she wears white and gazes lovingly at her very-soon-to-be husband. It’s a significant moment for many reasons. Two people who know each other, trust each other, love each other, are joining their lives before God and witnesses, forsaking all others. I’ve walked with Haley through the last few years, and her relationship with Brendan has been a large part of that. It’s an honor being a witness to their incredible relationship and having them in my life. Those present at this wedding can feel the immense love emanating from them as the ceremony uniting them together as husband and wife takes place.

I’m standing beside my best friend as Brendan makes his vows to her. Two years ago, at my then roommate’s wedding, I felt such a twinge of insecurity and doubt at this moment, not of her husband’s love for her, but at my future to have a husband. When her husband said he would love her, be with her, in sickness and in health, I felt a part of myself fracture in sadness and a touch of despair. I know, to an extent, the cost of loving me. In sickness and in health is weighted heavily to one side for me and that side requires a high financial, emotional, and physical cost. Since that wedding, and even before then, I wondered if someone would really sign up for that.

But then I watched my best friend fall in love. I watched as she and Brendan went into their wedding day knowing, the best they could, the cost of loving the other person, in the unique ways each of their costs add up.

I’m standing beside my best friend as the love of her life says he’ll love her in sickness and in health.

And I believe him.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, he will love and protect and honor her in sickness and in health and in every other situation they find themselves in these next many years.

I believe him completely.

And in this moment, part of me feels healed.

If I’m ever standing at an altar, wearing white, with my best friend beside me, looking at a man I’m going to vow to honor and love and respect for the rest of my life, in front of God and loved ones, it will be because I know I can believe he’ll love me in sickness and in health. He’ll know, to the best extent he can, what the cost of loving me is, and he’ll fully engage that cost. Because I’m more than my illnesses.

And a part of me feels whole.

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